Rumors can really hurt businesses .... and people

We’re all guilty of it every now and then: repeating a rumor we heard without verifying its authenticity. Often its a frivolous remark about someone’s new hair cut or chatting about someone’s ill health.

However, when it’s about businesses and people in a down economy, rumors become downright dangerous. Rumors can really hurt businesses and people ....And when it ’s about business and the people who run them or work there, in a down economy, rumors become downright dangerous....And a business can die because of a rumor.....And people can be hurt. When rumors start about a certain business closing the clients get nervous.

Our clients are families and their children. And I want to remind everyone about the harmful effect on businesses and people and our clients when an untrue rumor is spread ...

In the past few weeks, I have heard about many other businesses — and I am sure you have too — that were supposed to be closing, however, in reality, are doing fine. When checking with people in tracing back to who said what, I found that the Executive Directors and even Founders of companies have failed to properly fact check and unknowingly helped spread a rumor. Rumors are hurtful and they are about people. A business can die because of a rumor. When rumors start about a certain business closing, the clients get nervous. It can go so far as to become a self-fulfilling prophecy and lead to so much lost business, the once-healthy business has to close. Is that the intention of the rumor spreading? know that most professionals in this industry are torn when they hear a rumor about a business closing or even what a person may or may not be doing.

How many actually follow up to then find out it’s not true? I am not going to write a story about this latest rumor that came to my attention. That would be tough because by then naming the business who was spreading the rumor, I am bringing them unwelcome attention. Plus, I have enough stories to write while dealing in the world of things that are true. Running down everything that’s not true in this industry would be difficult. And at the end of the day, no private business owner is expected to share the intimate details of their financial shape with the public. While publicly-traded companies and governmental units are required to share financial statements with the press, that’s not the case with private owners. Sometimes it’s just not our business. I do my best to cover the industry news in a manner that is filled with integrity and professionalism.

That is whether or not a program or service in this industry is brand new and just opening their doors or closing or is experiencing an expansion or celebrating a milestone.

I promise to shy away from reporting (and therefore repeating) rumors. I would like to remind everyone about the harmful effect on businesses and people when an untrue rumor is spread.

The latest two rumors that need to be squelched about me follows ................

I have been contacted about two rumors regarding me .... one contact came from a program Admission Director ... I was in the process of setting up a visit to their program and before we made all the final arrangements, they want to know if what they heard at IECA in San Francisco was true - I am assisting WWASP (World Wide Association of Specialty Programs) in placing kids in their program and being paid by WWASP.

Maybe the person or persons at IECA who started this rumor about me have a perfect reputation, however, I would be willing to bet that is not true. Fortunately I do have enough ethical standards on which I stand that this person asked me about what they heard and did not participate in spreading this rumor any further.

Also, just today as this article was being written, another Admission Director who was at IECA was told that I had illegally infiltrated the IECA membership bulletin board and was spreading rumors myself.

First of all, I did not even know IECA had a bulletin board as I am not a member. Second, I have much more important things to do with my computer skills than spend time getting into a site in which I have no interest.

And more important than all of that is my integrity and professionalism in working with kids and families.

I will be attending IECA conferences in the future. However, being that they refused my money last time, I will be attending as a guest at the hotel just so I can meet those that have questions about me face to face.

I am an independent therapeutic consultant and I plan on staying an independent therapeutic consultant.

And you can say you read it here first. I am not always right about every single thought or idea I put in this blog, but I know I’m right about this.

Rumors are amazing things in an industry like ours. During all the time I have been involved in this industry I’ve never understood where they come from, how they get started, how they spread, or why people assume a rumor is the gospel truth, no matter how ridiculous it is. Rumor mongering, frankly, is one of the things that keeps small people small. If there isn’t some sort of juicy gossip going around all on its own – with some grain of truth in it – people will make stuff up and start spreading it!

I’ve seen it happen over and over again through the years. An idle rumor that really doesn’t hurt anyone, one way or the other, is one thing, but an idle rumor that hurts a business or a person who runs a business is another matter completely. Rumor mongering will probably continue unabated, no matter how much any of us rail against it. I can only hope that people will go to the source and ask, before repeating something they absolutely do not know if it is true or not.

For those of you with kids or those working with kids which is most everyone in this industry - Let’s say you have a child that just heard a REALLY juicy rumor about someone they know. It may not be true, but it’s too good to keep to themselves. Their first instinct is to hop online and IM it to all their friends. - Who is role modeling for them, teaching them, how hurtful this can truly be?

When people are feeling bad about themselves, they sometimes think they’ll feel better if there were someone worse off than they are.

If everybody else is gossiping or spreading rumors, you might feel you have to do the same thing in order to fit in. When you know a secret that nobody knows, or are the first person in your group to hear a rumor, it can make you the center of attention.

Certain people always want to be in control and at the top of the ladder.

Let’s say you have a piece of wood, a nail, and a hammer. Pretend the wood is a person, and the nail is a nasty rumor about that person. If you hammer in the nail, you’re obviously hurting him or her. If you then pull out the nail…well, there’s still a hole in the wood, and the damage has been done. There are many reasons why that nail of a rumor can be so harmful.

Horizon Family Solutions
Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Therapeutic Consultant
(866) 833-6911
(541) 312-4422

Dore@dorefrances.com

Coast to Coast Troubled Teen Help Radio Talk Show

Coming Soon!

Dore Frances, M.A., Therapeutic Consultant has over 17 years experience assisting families with “at risk” teens.

She has visited over 400 addiction treatment centers, residential programs, wilderness schools and young adult programs in the U.S. and internationally.

This is a talk show to help you to work through all those challenges in your life that you are facing in raising a pre-teen or teen. Using the life's lessons she learned that include being adopted, working through the tragic loss of her mother at age 9, surviving cancer as a mother at age 36, struggling with her local school system when her daughter was “being labeled”, Dore reaches out to help everyone learn how to get help with faced with difficult challenges in raising children.

She is a Therapeutic Consultant specializing in child advocacy, educational consulting and parent coaching.

Dore is also an inspirational speaker at parent conferences and has a book due out next year – “One Size Does Not Fit All” – about the residential treatment and wilderness program industry.

Join Dore for a wide range of hot topics – parenting skills, solutions to helping troubled teens, the teen help industry, what to do when you truly have a teen or young adult in crisis, and options available for treatment and what our teens are addicted to today. Dore has a unique outlook on what our kids are going through and what can be done to help them thrive!

And if that doesn't work...how to survive it as parents when it's happening right now and YOU are in the thick of it!

Lively -- informative -- fun -- captivating!

Coast to Coast Troubled Teen Help Talk Show

www.troubledteenhelp.com

www.horizonfamilysolutions.com

Website Up and Running - YEAH!

Horizon Family Solutions has a new website!

It's been a full straight work week of nothing else in the making and has taken a great deal of time from Carl and Laurie Berg of The Graphics Ranch.

For my content management Carl recommends Drupal.

The road to this new site has been long and rocky at times over this last week. But we did it!

www.horizonfamilysolutions.com

The "other" website had been around in one incarnation or another since about 2001. In the early days, it was just a couple of pages . As the business grew, the site grew. As the industry changed, the site changed.

By far, the biggest challenge was rewriting all the data. Because I like to provide parents and professionals a great deal of information, I am always doing research.

My goal was to launch the new site before NATSAP at the end of this month. With Carl and Laurie's help we kicked off the new site with a whole brand new look. There are still some outstanding items I need to insert, like my pictures, but it will all happen in time. My journey with Drupal is just starting. Now that I've got a shiny new website I am going to take good care of it so that it will last me for many years to come!

I hope that you're as happy with it as we are!

Dore E. Frances, M.A.

Have a Question? Get an Answer!

Ask a Question

Do you need the answer or solution to a one-time question or problem, such as:

• What kind of aftercare is available once a child completes residential treatment?
• I have chosen a program for my child off the Internet. Who can tell me more about them and where can I get information to make sure I am making a safe choice?
• I need a psychologist who can do some testing on my child. Who can I call?
• My child's school has called me for a conference and I am not sure what I need to do to prepare.
  

Email me your question - add "Advice Needed" in the subject line - dore@dorefrances.com

You may choose from several options - Check our PayPal drop down list

A simple answer to a basic question, maybe something about ADHD, or perhaps a more specific answer is needed, or a very detailed answer that may need research and references or even a 15 minute call to answer some questions on the phone.

Make your payment via PayPal and you will receive your answer in a short period of time or I will contact you regarding setting up a phone time.

Oftentimes this can be within the hour.

All answers will be complete and thorough.

"I have been teaching middle school for thirty years and I get asked so many questions by parents all the time that I just do not have the time to research. Also, things change so much I just cannot keep up. I started referring parents to Dore and they have said it has been a great time saver for them in finding out some basic information and getting help on where to go for things like psychological testing. This is a well needed and very inexpensive service!" ~ Jon Aslan, Arizona

"I was feeling very apprehensive about the residential therapy program I choose for my daughter. I needed to know that I had made a safe choice. I asked Dore to help me specifically research this school to make sure they had no complaints against them. Just getting her genuine feedback gave me peace of mind. I have a feeling I will be using her again." ~ Rob Beare, California

I needed to locate an advocate and attorney in my state that would be able to assist me with my son and his IEP. I had been on the Internet and found all kinds of sites but did not know whom I could trust. I gave Dore the specific information and she emailed me a thorough list with names, addresses, contact numbers and their websites. I felt much better knowing these were people who would be able to assist me with my son's specific needs. I have already referred this low cost service to another parent. " ~ Robbi R., Washington

Okay, I admit it. I was freaking out. As a single parent I had a situation going on at home, it was evening time, and I just needed some quick advice. Having a 15 minute call with Dore (she actually gave me 25), was just the shot in the arm I needed to get through the little mini crisis. I think my child and I could have ended up in a big fight had I not had this time out time with Dore. She helped me get calm, centered and really see what was happening. It is great to know she is there if I ever need her again." ~ David B., Bend, Oregon

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC

Special Needs Boarding Schools

There are many different kinds of boarding schools in the United States.

Some are highly academic and serve only exceptional, gifted and highly motivated students. Others are geared to working with the average to above average student. And a few select schools work with children and adolescents with special needs which cannot be met (most times) by traditional or regular programs in the public school system. These special needs schools can address a wide variety of disorders from Aspergers Syndrome to dyslexia to emotional problems to non-verbal learning disorders.

Some are college preparatory; others have a more transitional mission and are preparing their students for a return to the mainstream. Families oftentimes find it a daunting task to identify the right boarding school for the "special" child. Websites, brochures, CD's, don't give enough detailed information for a parent to make an informed decision. Current psychological and academic testing may be inconclusive so parents don't understand the problems or how to best treat them.

Some families seek the counsel of an educational consultant to help them sort through the various options.

Whether a family uses a consultant or searches on their own, it is vital to find the school that is the "right fit"; one that can address the child's unique learning style. Close to 20% of the school age population are diagnosed with some kind of a a learning difference. Most of these diagnosed children have a problem using language and are said to have a language based learning disorder. Others have a non-verbal learning disability and struggle with some of the following: organizational difficulties, poor social skills, visual-spacial weaknesses, conceptual reasoning deficits.

Many children have attentional issues and executive functioning deficits. Some LD students just need small classes, academic support and minor classroom accommodations; others whose LD issues are severe and more debilitating, need direct and intense skills-based language remediation. There is a significant difference between academic support and remediation. Boarding schools that offer support usually have a few LD trained teachers. Their role is to help the LD student keep up with what's happening in the classroom.

On the other hand, remedial instruction is a structural approach to helping the child learn strategies to compensate for their weaknesses. Curriculum's at these schools use a multisensory approach and experiential teaching strategies. All teachers at these schools are trained in using these techniques. It is very important for parents to understand the difference and to know what a boarding school can and can't do before placing their LD child.

New approaches, new ideas, and new ways are needed to improve what is in the best interest of your child and your family

IECA Board Refused Me to Attend Conference

IECA - Independent Educational Consultants Association NOT International Erosion Control Association. Both are IECA.

Either way, the word Independent says a lot.

"not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker"

"not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessman."

"not influenced by the thought or action of others: independent research"

Just to name a few ...................

Yes ..... it was 2005. I do not not know what the membership Bylaws say, or if there are even any membership Bylaws. Was the refusal to attend the IECA conference based on bias or discrimination? I believe it was based on fear.

True, IECA has the right to accept their own members. And I was not asking to be a member. I had already made the determination several years earlier that membership in IECA did not meet my own business, ethical, personal or professional needs. I was wanting to attend one of their conferences with some associates, who also were not members.

It would have given me the opportunity to gain some knowledge at the break out sessions and to network with others in the industry that I so passionately adore and give my life to. The reason I was refused entrance into the conference was because, as the letter from the Board of Directors states, I do not meet their professional ethics and they have some concerns. No further explanation. No details. And even though I responded with a professionally written letter to the Board of Directors, about my concerns, I received no response, ever.

(You can view the entire original documentation in my book - One Size Does Not Fit All). Obviously this is true in more ways that I have ever imagined when I started the book.

Every time there is an IECA conference I get asked by many associates, other Educational Consultants, and those who work for many of the programs I recommend, if I will be at the conference.

The "story" is boring to me now, although when I tell it I always get the same response - "Are you kidding? Are you serious? Is this for real? I have never heard of such a thing!".

Several people have even offered to pay my way to the next conference as they just want me to show up anyway.

I have no interest and I would not waste my time. No offense to those choosing to attend. If anything, this action by IECA confirmed to me more than ever why it is I choose not to be a member and why it would not have been a good fit for me, or for them. I am not asking for any sympathy. Quit that! Really!!

I have been told by many that I am the only person in the history of IECA that has been refused entry into a conference. Maybe ask Mark Sklarow about that just to be sure. That is pretty cool. Making history, as we have seen recently in our current Presidential Election, is a great thing most times.

"CHANGE"

"WE CAN"

I understand that every organization has goals and I assume intentions as to what they hope to accomplish.

And every organization such as IECA has a Board of Directors that can determine how aggressively they want to exercise their power. Obviously. And I understand that IECA can choose to limit their membership to those they want and refuse those they do not want. I am absolutely okay with that. I was not bidding to be a member. I simply wanted to attend a conference with some friends in the industry. Yes, they did return my conference fee with a letter from the Board of Directors, via Federal Express. I did lose out when I had to cancel my flight however, although I reused the tickets later with a $100 penalty. Whatever it was that brought them to this decision, I am okay with that. Really.

Being that they did not respond to my request for further conversations about their concerns, I can only assume they reacted based on fear of some sort. It happens. Actually, I am not sure any organization can actually refuse to let anyone attend, or rather be in the same hotel as the conference and network with others who are there. The refusal was more about attending their conference and being allowed to join in the break out sessions they offer. And maybe breakfast or lunch or something. However, it is so very expensive to attend these conferences, why would I waste my time after being "told" not to attend? I get to see almost everyone at NATSAP and other conferences and I see a lot of these people when I am touring programs and schools. I also live in a beautiful place - Bend, Oregon, and many people love to come here and always call and we get together. Interestingly, some want to keep our meetings confidential.

Now, that being said, I am well acquainted with a lot of great people who are members of IECA and with those who spend thousands of dollars attending their conferences as Vendors when their is a conference, so they can promote their program and school. And IECA has been around for more than 30 years. I have gathered many stories over the last 3 years about experiences and I know that for the most part, their heart is in the right place. No organization can monitor everyone 100% of the time. Even with Ethics Guidelines and Principles of Good Practice. It is just impossible.

I also have referred many parents to IECA members when what they needed was out of my expertise or a parent wanted someone in their local area for a face to face relationship. Many different Educational Consultants have many different areas of speciality. I have even been contacted by IECA members who have a particularly tough situation with a student and knew I would have references on who to refer them to for additional assistance.

Membership aside, most people in this industry want to do what is in the best interest of a child and their family.

So, I have moved on and I hope this will assist those in the future who still need and want to hear "the story".

I am proud to say that I am an honored member of the American Bar Association, Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates, and the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs.

And, being that San Francisco is my hometown I may actually be around for the IECA Spring Conference. I am meeting with a friend who works for the San Francisco Chronicle around the same time to discuss my book, and maybe a story or two about the industry. Perhaps I will see you there!

Dore E. Frances, M.A., A.C.C.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC

What is the middle child syndrome?

When you've got three kids in a family, as a parent you're outnumbered and as a kid chances are you might get lost in the middle. But what does all that say about your personality?

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure.

The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things. Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don’t like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest.

Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. When forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative.

Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

"Me Time" with Parents

Spend at least an hour a week individually, with each of your children. Take that child to the park, or to a movie, or out for ice cream. The activity you decide on doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you are spending one to one time with that child.

Special Days

Have “special” days for each of your children. Designate one day of the week as “Sherry’s day” another as “John’s” and another as “Pat’s.” Giving children this individual attention lets them know they are special to you, and to the family as a whole. On your child’s special day allow her to choose what your family watches on TV, what you will have for dinner, etc.

The ultimate goal is to raise healthy, happy and well adjusted children. Middle child syndrome is very real and these kids seem to need extra special attention to establish a worthiness of being loved and accepted. Take the extra time needed to care for your child!

Dore E. Frances, M.A., A.C.C.
Family & Parent Coach

Parental Alienation Syndrome is absolutely real

Children, exposed to high conflict custody conflicts suffer tremendously. The challenge for counselors is to find ways of sparing children the emotional pain, guilt, and stress that result when they are caught in their parents’ crossfire. Too often counselors over identify with polarized parents. Parental alienation develops over time and the distancing that occurs may involve some of the following features:

• Allegations of abuse - allegations of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse of the children are often made against the targeted parent

• Blame - blaming the other parent for breaking up the family and for other problems

• Denigration - one parent speaks badly or demeans the other parent in the children’s presence

• Interfering with visitation - giving the children the choice of visiting the targeted parent; being inflexible to otherwise reasonable changes in visitation; scheduling activities during the targeted parent’s visitation time

• Spying - using the children to spy on the targeted parent; questioning the children about the targeted parent’s personal life; eavesdropping on telephone conversations between the children and the targeted parent

When these symptoms sound familiar to you, you need the assistance and expertise.

Breakthrough Parenting®

PasKids.com

PsyCare

The Leadership Council

"The Parental Alienation Syndrome"


Dore E. Frances, M.A, A.C.C.

Our solid unbiased supplement into the process can mediate the disagreements, eliminate or reduce the resentment and focus the attention on the best interests of the children.

How an Independent Educational Consultant Helps Your Family

Finding the right emotional growth program, outdoor education school, wilderness program is one of the most important decisions your family will make. A best choice will enhance and enrich your student’s life, and can impact their future in so many different ways. Finding the best fit, however, can be a daunting task. That is where an educational consultant plays a vital role.

My name is Dore Frances, and I am the Founder of Horizon Family Solutions.

As an Educational Consultant I can be trusted to meet your family’s needs because I meet the highest standards in the profession. My qualifications include: a master’s degree; three years of grief counseling experience; and experience working with hundreds of students. I am a member of the American Bar Association as a Child Rights Advocate, and Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates, and NATSAP, (just to name a few). I also spend about one week out of every month traveling all across the United States to interview programs, schools and their staff on my clients behalf.

Dore E. Frances, M.A., A.C.C.
Horizon Family Solutions is an educational consulting, child rights advocacy and family/parent coaching company that serves clients locally, nationally and internationally.

“When I first met Dore, she was touring several programs in Utah. Dore asked me if I was familiar with a type of therapy not well known by most professionals. We did some research as she visited and found the model was in vogue in work with youth who may have some learning deficits. Dore was very quick to understand how such a model might be applied and could list a variety of settings where that particular model could improve services. Since that time I have noted this same intense curiosity and eagerness from Dore every time she explores ways to effectively support families in treatment settings. Certainly, there is no chance of any grass growing on her busy streets!" ~ Kimball DeLaMare LCSW ~ Founding President of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP)