The Top 10 Things About This Industry That I View Differently Than I Did Eight Years Ago

1. Beware of the Hype
I used to be in awe of people who got a lot of publicity. My first smack in the face came when a PR company called me for a business launch of my upcoming book and had written a quote for me.

They wanted me to approve the quote. I refused as it ethically did not match my intention of the book.

So that's how the game works eh? Since then, I have had a love-hate relationship with PR. I realize it is important to stay "top of mind," however at the same time, it is so artificial and contrived most of the time that I am starting to hate being a part of it. The lesson I see here is that when you see someone (even me) sitting on a panel at a conference, when you see them get an article published in a magazine or newspaper, when you see them cited as an industry leader, that doesn't really mean you need to listen to everything they say or that they have all the answers about what they are talking about.

Always do your own research and always ask tough questions.

2. Do Stuff
I used to plan and talk, plan and talk, plan and talk. I'm not criticizing planning or talking... they can be beneficial, however now I prefer to do something instead of talking. Just start doing. Doing stuff gives you a better "feel" than all the planning in the world. That is why my clients like me. I do more than talk.

Plus, once you get labeled as a doer, everybody wants you to work for them because they have all been burned by planners and talkers. Of course, doing takes a lot more commitment and time. It's also much harder. And you may not make as much money because you are being in service to others rather than just talking about being in service. In this industry I see prices going up and service going down.

Always do your research.


3. Failure Doesn't Really Matter
It is embarrassing and humbling to fail. We all wish we could string together a bunch of wins. Eight years ago I was concerned about looking stupid compared to other educational consultants who had been doing this longer or are members of IECA. (I choose not to be a member for reasons of integrity).

I was concerned about dealing with the criticism that can come with failure, and while I won't say I like it and embrace it, I will say that it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to when I was younger. One reason for that is many "failures" are only temporary setbacks, and when you don't let them demoralize you and scare you, they can be turned into wins. The second reason is that I truly believe that failure is almost always a great learning experience. Recently I was hired by another educational consultant to consult with them about this business and this industry. Their time is valuable and they did not want to waste neither their time or financial resources by making costly mistakes. I was able to assist them in being more efficient with their own learning curve so they could avoid the mistakes I have already made.

4. Find Your People
Search is the key process you need to master in this industry. I used to think that I needed to be more persuasive to every client I spoke with. I have even heard some Admissions Directors referred to as car salesmen / saleswomen for the way they are currently speaking with parents during the downturn in the economy. I thought the key to making money, hiring good people, or selling my services was to learn how to convince skeptical people to trust me. No. Spend your time sharing your ideas with families about who you are, what you provide and how you may assist them with their child, instead of working so hard to convince them to listen to you. Listen to them. Spend time finding employees who believe in what you are doing instead of convincing potential hires that they should want to come work for you. Spend time searching for clients who need and want what you have to offer, either as an educational consultant or by offering other professional services. Most of us are aware of those telemarketers out there working on commission, convincing parents that the situation is so bad with their child they could die any moment. Don't do this.

Find the people who are like you in the ways that are most important. Work on connecting and meeting with the people who matter. Provide ethical services.

5. Help Others Reach Their Goals
Eight years ago I would have said you should monopolize talent, force people to do what you wanted, not what they wanted, lock people in, and in general do whatever it takes to keep everything tilted in your favor.

That is what I was taught when climbing the corporate ladder in Silicon Valley. Now I believe that everyone has dreams and when you can assist them reach those dreams, most of them will go to the ends of the earth to help you out down the road. (At least that is what I am believing in and counting on now). When skilled employees are ready to move on, don't be angry or bitter, be happy for them. When clients have outgrown you and need a different type of service provider, help them find what they need, who they need, don't be angry at them or withhold information about who else can assist.

Yes, that is what I have been experiencing in the last six months in this industry and it is very disturbing.

I have seen it with educational consultants and with residential and wilderness program providers. These are lives we are touching, children and family lives, not things. Don't be one of those people who only takes and takes in a client or professional relationship. Be a giver, even when other people call you a sucker.

(And yes, I have been called that a lot, just recently this last week ... and no hard feelings I assure you!)

In the long run, you will be better off. I just truly believe that.

6. It is Always Easy to See What You Want to See
It took me almost eight years to find a comfort zone for my business.

Dozens of people told me why my attitude about the way in which I choose to offer my services wouldn't work (lousy industry economics, not doing it their way, tough competition by those more experienced, primarily).

I didn't listen. At least not to everyone. The problem is that when you are doing new things, in a new way, it makes people uncomfortable and those same people who are uncomfortable are almost always critical and work very hard at bringing you down. So how do you know who to listen to and who to ignore? I don't have a good answer to that, however, I know that every day I ask myself to be open to new views on anything that may affect how I assist families or other professionals in this industry. For instance, I am convinced that after interviewing dozens of programs and dozens of other educational consultants .... well, that one is going to have to wait for the book. I am still collecting confidentiality statements, as most do not want to be identified and some of the information I have been given still has to be verified as legitimate. Is it easy to see that the purpose of a residential treatment center is to effect long-term internal and external changes in a very troubled child? So you want to be an educational consultant? Why? What is your intention?

The answers I received were shocking! (At least to me). Always do your research.

7.Luck Matters
Eight years ago I would have said success was mostly effort and skill , however, in the past eight years I have met countless bright hard working people in this industry who didn't get the right break. I have also met a few no talent people who got lucky. In general, I think a small percentage of highly successful people are just lucky and not talented. Most are both talented and lucky, and a few were just so super talented they didn't need luck. Call it a bell curve. Hard work and talent will put you in a good position, however, to get to the upper echelons of success, I think most of us need some good luck and timing. (I am counting on that!)

8. Competition, Fear and Revenge is a Waste of Energy and Time.
Business can lead to situations that make you angry and make you want to go crush a competitor, or whoever. When you believe that you are truly using your ability for a positive and pure purpose, there is never competition. Competition empowers fear, and right now it is running rampant in the industry. What the industry is creating with competition and fear is not pleasant and it will not shift until educational consultants as well as programs and schools stop competing with fear. Just my opinion. But take a look.

While competition and spite may be a good motivator, fear and revenge is typically a lousy use of resources.

Blow it off. Take the high road. If you get ripped off, don't spend all your time working to get back at the person, just suck it up and move on. When your focus on competition and revenge distracts you from the real focus of your business and your intention, then your nemesis has just won a second time by making you less successful. I will never compromise a family or their child by being in competition with another educational consultant or fearing that I may not be able to stay in business if I do not get clients or seek revenge on those that are still actively testing me with calls and emails to see what I am up to in my business. Just ask.

9. Relationships, relationships, relationships
The single biggest thing that I have learned is that relationships matter. People like to work with people they trust. Eight years ago when I started Horizon Family Solutions, I thought I would be a successful business person some day because I would hole up in my house and read all kinds of books and then have some breakthrough insight that would shake up the world on its own. Now I think if I am ever highly successful, it will be because a bunch of people helped me get there. I have no regrets. I spend a great deal of time networking and getting to know the resources available for parents. I am making some business changes to keep my company alive. Almost all of my business comes from relationships. I spend time talking to friends about the stuff I am doing and my network of relationships sends me business. It hopefully will save me from having to shut down my own hopes and dreams of continuing with this work. If I end up being able to stay in this house, it will be because of other people. It will be because of the relationships we have. The people who know me know that I will do whatever it takes to assist a family and their child. However, I still need a place to work to make that happen, so, although I would like to take on 3 and 4 pro-bono cases a month, I have to stay to one. Thanks for understanding!

10. Analytical vs. Touchy Feely
When I worked in the corporate world I used to be very "Fast Company" in my approach to business.

I believed it was all about the soft stuff.

The key to success was making employees happy and having some crazy Google-like workspace.

There is still some truth to that, however, now I lean heavily on the economics of an industry for success. It is soooo much easier to be successful in a business with good economics, even when you make some mistakes, than in an industry with lousy economics but a hip fun workplace. I have fun every day ... and I work hard at helping my clients relax and smile even when they are facing a crisis.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Educational Consultant
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC

Have a Question? Get an Answer!

Ask a Question

Do you need the answer or solution to a one-time question or problem, such as:

• What kind of aftercare is available once a child completes residential treatment?
• I have chosen a program for my child off the Internet. Who can tell me more about them and where can I get information to make sure I am making a safe choice?
• I need a psychologist who can do some testing on my child. Who can I call?
• My child's school has called me for a conference and I am not sure what I need to do to prepare.
  

Email me your question - add "Advice Needed" in the subject line - dore@dorefrances.com

You may choose from several options - Check our PayPal drop down list

A simple answer to a basic question, maybe something about ADHD, or perhaps a more specific answer is needed, or a very detailed answer that may need research and references or even a 15 minute call to answer some questions on the phone.

Make your payment via PayPal and you will receive your answer in a short period of time or I will contact you regarding setting up a phone time.

Oftentimes this can be within the hour.

All answers will be complete and thorough.

"I have been teaching middle school for thirty years and I get asked so many questions by parents all the time that I just do not have the time to research. Also, things change so much I just cannot keep up. I started referring parents to Dore and they have said it has been a great time saver for them in finding out some basic information and getting help on where to go for things like psychological testing. This is a well needed and very inexpensive service!" ~ Jon Aslan, Arizona

"I was feeling very apprehensive about the residential therapy program I choose for my daughter. I needed to know that I had made a safe choice. I asked Dore to help me specifically research this school to make sure they had no complaints against them. Just getting her genuine feedback gave me peace of mind. I have a feeling I will be using her again." ~ Rob Beare, California

I needed to locate an advocate and attorney in my state that would be able to assist me with my son and his IEP. I had been on the Internet and found all kinds of sites but did not know whom I could trust. I gave Dore the specific information and she emailed me a thorough list with names, addresses, contact numbers and their websites. I felt much better knowing these were people who would be able to assist me with my son's specific needs. I have already referred this low cost service to another parent. " ~ Robbi R., Washington

Okay, I admit it. I was freaking out. As a single parent I had a situation going on at home, it was evening time, and I just needed some quick advice. Having a 15 minute call with Dore (she actually gave me 25), was just the shot in the arm I needed to get through the little mini crisis. I think my child and I could have ended up in a big fight had I not had this time out time with Dore. She helped me get calm, centered and really see what was happening. It is great to know she is there if I ever need her again." ~ David B., Bend, Oregon

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC

Special Needs Boarding Schools

There are many different kinds of boarding schools in the United States.

Some are highly academic and serve only exceptional, gifted and highly motivated students. Others are geared to working with the average to above average student. And a few select schools work with children and adolescents with special needs which cannot be met (most times) by traditional or regular programs in the public school system. These special needs schools can address a wide variety of disorders from Aspergers Syndrome to dyslexia to emotional problems to non-verbal learning disorders.

Some are college preparatory; others have a more transitional mission and are preparing their students for a return to the mainstream. Families oftentimes find it a daunting task to identify the right boarding school for the "special" child. Websites, brochures, CD's, don't give enough detailed information for a parent to make an informed decision. Current psychological and academic testing may be inconclusive so parents don't understand the problems or how to best treat them.

Some families seek the counsel of an educational consultant to help them sort through the various options.

Whether a family uses a consultant or searches on their own, it is vital to find the school that is the "right fit"; one that can address the child's unique learning style. Close to 20% of the school age population are diagnosed with some kind of a a learning difference. Most of these diagnosed children have a problem using language and are said to have a language based learning disorder. Others have a non-verbal learning disability and struggle with some of the following: organizational difficulties, poor social skills, visual-spacial weaknesses, conceptual reasoning deficits.

Many children have attentional issues and executive functioning deficits. Some LD students just need small classes, academic support and minor classroom accommodations; others whose LD issues are severe and more debilitating, need direct and intense skills-based language remediation. There is a significant difference between academic support and remediation. Boarding schools that offer support usually have a few LD trained teachers. Their role is to help the LD student keep up with what's happening in the classroom.

On the other hand, remedial instruction is a structural approach to helping the child learn strategies to compensate for their weaknesses. Curriculum's at these schools use a multisensory approach and experiential teaching strategies. All teachers at these schools are trained in using these techniques. It is very important for parents to understand the difference and to know what a boarding school can and can't do before placing their LD child.

New approaches, new ideas, and new ways are needed to improve what is in the best interest of your child and your family

Keeping up with Teen Fads

Teenagers are infamous for being on the cutting edge of current fads and trends.

The reason why teens are on the lookout for something new and different is almost a given: they are working on their identity. Your teen wants to identify with something that makes him/her feel good about him/her self. When it sticks for a little while, it’s a fad. When it sticks around a longer time, it becomes a trend. Many fads are harmless.

Everyone who owns an IPod and will text friends on their cell phones.

These fads will either fade with new technology or become a trend and stay around awhile. We’ll have to wait and see. Some teen fads are dangerous.

Huffing is one dangerous fad that comes to mind.

While keeping up with teen fads can sometimes be exhausting for parents – especially for parents of preteens who are just getting started – it is a worthwhile endeavor.

Online transparency with regards to one’s personal life has become more and more pervasive over the past few years. With the evolution of the Internet and its capabilities has come the ability to find out almost anything about someone online. There are some specific venues that can be particularly dangerous for teens because of the information some sites allow and encourage them to post about themselves. Parents need to be educated on these sites and on what they offer their users. As a parent, you don’t necessarily have to restrict your teen from using them, but you need to definitely know what they’re used for and who uses them.

Some of the most popular sites teenagers are using today.

• MySpace
• Chat Rooms and Message Boards
• Instant Messaging Clients
• Online Video Gaming
• Facebook
• Photobucket and Flickr

The youth shall inherit the world, and they are getting a head start on it right now. The teenagers of today are no longer the unengaged kids they used to be – they have instead evolved into a strong-minded militia of high-tech creatures, a real force to be reckoned with. The ball is their court today.

At Horizon Family Solutions we honor the obligation and opportunity to every family we see to be aware of the current trends. This includes keeping informed about the current drugs of abuse, recent studies about abusive teen dating, options for treatment and continuing our education so that our experience for you remains extensive. The areas we specialize in are:

• Family Coaching
• Adult Programs
  
• Alternative Sentencing Recommendations
• Residential Program Placement
  
• Student Assessments
• Teen Sexual Behavior Treatment
  

We do not partner with any companies, programs or schools for the benefits of our clients. In this way all options are explored with an unbiased approach.

For more information about the services offered by Horizon Family Solutions, please call 866-833-6911 or visit www.Horizonfamilysolutions.com.

Serving Those 18 and Over With Mental Illness

Although most educational consultants specialize in those under the age of 18, I also assist those that are over 18 and in need of specialized mental health care services. I am dedicated to helping men and women with special mental health needs. I assist adults and young adults with psychiatric illness, substance abuse problems, or dual diagnosis with an opportunity for recovery through work and community participation in private pay residential treatment settings.

I regard a healthy lifestyle to be a major component of an individuals treatment plan. My intention when assisting a family who has an adult in their family with mental illness is to help them find the best home and feeling of family environment where these individuals can develop enthusiasm for life and community within the safety of the best surrounding for their unique needs. Most individuals can live in a wellness type program where they can learn to take control of their lives and make choices that promote health, prevent disease, and effect positive treatment outcomes. I have researched programs that teach participants skills for healthy living, diet, nutrition, and daily exercise as a basic part of treatment and rehabilitation. These are private pay residential services for persons 18 and older with bipolar and psychotic disorders. The places I have researched are all over the United States.

Some are actual farm communities where individuals with mental illness and emotional distress learn new ways to improve functioning, gain independence and attain fulfillment in life through a comprehensive program that addresses mind, body and spirit. Counseling, a balanced work program and the development of vocational, educational and social skills are primary program components. Some are long-term community residential rehabilitation programs designed to meet the special needs of adults with severe and persistent mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder and other major mental illnesses.

These are more set up as assisted living residences. Some are located in the heart of cosmopolitan areas, near cities that are packed with world-class architecture and alive with culture, offering residents an environment rich in arts, education and leisure opportunities.

All are licensed Therapeutic Community Residence programs that provide a growth enhancing program for those who suffer from mental and emotional illnesses, such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

Community commitment is strong at all of the programs I recommend.

Most have support staff that includes a recreational counselor, an art therapist, a nutritionist, a staff psychologist and a number of adjunct physicians and therapists. Many of the people I have assisted have felt failed by previous treatment efforts, including psychiatric hospitalizations, medications, and drug & alcohol rehabilitation programs. When a family works with me I understand that they have been through a lot. So have all their family members. Multiple efforts to support the person have left everyone exhausted.
The individual may be described by others as being challenging, difficult, or treatment resistant. I assist a family in recognizing that early detection and aggressive treatment are often the key to years of productive living for their loved one.

"Words can not convey the gratitude that we feel today for Dore Frances. We want to thank her for finding a safe and loving place for our adult daughter to recover and grow into possibilities that we had desperately prayed for. There is a national need for her services and we are pleased to have found her in the nick of time." ~ John & Pat A. , Ohio

When you are in need of assistant in obtaining a mental health residential program for an adult in your family, one that offers a safe environment that fosters support in the least restrictive environment, please give me a call. All inquiries are completely confidential.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions
(541) 312-4422

Technical jargon can get in the way of understanding your child's rights

The law says that your school system is obligated to provide a student with disabilities with a FAPE – a free appropriate public education. Do you know what that MEANS? Technical jargon can get in the way of understanding your child's rights.

In order to comply with the federal mandate (Public Law 102-119, known as the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, Part B (34 CFR Parts 300 and 301 and Appendix C) that all disabled children receive a free appropriate public education, a school district must provide special education and related services at no cost to the child or her/his parents. There are thousands of resource links available on the Internet and I wanted to give you a few that have been recommended by other parents.

What is the Individualized Education Program (IEP)?

An Individualized Education Program (IEP) describes the educational program that has been designed to meet that child's unique needs.

Each child who receives special education and related services must have an IEP. Each IEP must be designed for one student and must be a truly individualized document. The IEP creates an opportunity for teachers, parents, school administrators, related services personnel, and students (when age appropriate) to work together to improve educational results for children with disabilities. The IEP is the cornerstone of a quality education for each child with a disability.

NCLD (National Center for Learning Disabilities) has created a Parent Guide to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) so you can become an informed and effective partner with school personnel in supporting your child's special learning and behavioral needs.

Note: The IDEA Parent Guide was created to provide a basic understanding of the key requirements of the federal law under IDEA. The information presented here is not legal advice and should not be used as a legal resource.

Both IDEA and No Child Left Behind (NCLB) include provisions that can be used to improve the academic achievement of students with learning disabilities. NCLD also has a guide explaining how you can become an effective advocate within your state, or at the national level. To learn how to lend your voice to advocacy efforts, take a look at NCLD's LD Advocate's Guide. The Anne Ford Scholarship is a $10,000 award given to a high school senior with an identified learning disability (LD) who is pursuing an undergraduate degree. The ideal candidate is a high school senior who has faced the challenges of having a learning disability; is committed to completing a college degree and setting career goals; has demonstrated perseverance; embraces new opportunities; has a well-rounded perspective shaped by experiences in school, in the community, and with family and friends; understands how LD affects his/her life and recognizes the importance of self-advocacy; believes in contributing to society in a way that increases the opportunities for individuals with learning disabilities; and will feel comfortable serving as a role model for others who struggle with LD. Information and Application 2008-2009 Anne Ford Scholarship DisabilityInfo.gov is an online connection to a broad range of disability-related information and resources.

The Web site contains links to resources of interest to people with disabilities, educators, administrators, service providers and family members.

The site is easy to navigate, and is organized by subject areas including education, employment, housing, transportation, health, income support, technology, community life and civil rights.

DisabilityInfo.gov is managed by the U.S. Department of Labor and is a collaborative effort among 16 federal agencies including the U.S. departments of Agriculture, Defense, Education, Health & Human Services, Housing & Urban Development, Justice, Interior, Labor, Transportation and Treasury; as well as the Office of Personnel Management, the Social Security Administration, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, the Access Board and the National Council on Disability. The site also contains information from universities, research institutes and non-profit organizations. Parents, educators, advocates, and attorneys go to Wrightslaw for accurate, reliable information about special education law, education law, and advocacy for children with disabilities.

We know that not everyone can afford a Child Advocate or Educational Consultant. Therefore we hope to give you some information that may be beneficial for you as you advocate for your child.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions
Child Advocate
Educational Consultant

Holiday Wishes for The Troops

This holiday season, you can send soldiers and wounded troops greeting cards - even when you don't know their names.


Through December 10th, the public can send their greeting cards, with adequate postage and a return address to:

Holiday Mail for Heroes
Post Office Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD.
20791-5456

Please do not send care packages, inserts, money, or add glitter to your card.

"The eyes of the soldiers really light up when they see greeting cards sent from the American public," said Lt. Col. David Oclander. He was in Iraq around the time of last year's program and remembers seeing soldiers, even those in the most remote areas, carrying their cards around.

Please support our troops.

Dore E. Frances.M.A., A.C.C.

IECA Board Refused Me to Attend Conference

IECA - Independent Educational Consultants Association NOT International Erosion Control Association. Both are IECA.

Either way, the word Independent says a lot.

"not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself: an independent thinker"

"not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free: an independent businessman."

"not influenced by the thought or action of others: independent research"

Just to name a few ...................

Yes ..... it was 2005. I do not not know what the membership Bylaws say, or if there are even any membership Bylaws. Was the refusal to attend the IECA conference based on bias or discrimination? I believe it was based on fear.

True, IECA has the right to accept their own members. And I was not asking to be a member. I had already made the determination several years earlier that membership in IECA did not meet my own business, ethical, personal or professional needs. I was wanting to attend one of their conferences with some associates, who also were not members.

It would have given me the opportunity to gain some knowledge at the break out sessions and to network with others in the industry that I so passionately adore and give my life to. The reason I was refused entrance into the conference was because, as the letter from the Board of Directors states, I do not meet their professional ethics and they have some concerns. No further explanation. No details. And even though I responded with a professionally written letter to the Board of Directors, about my concerns, I received no response, ever.

(You can view the entire original documentation in my book - One Size Does Not Fit All). Obviously this is true in more ways that I have ever imagined when I started the book.

Every time there is an IECA conference I get asked by many associates, other Educational Consultants, and those who work for many of the programs I recommend, if I will be at the conference.

The "story" is boring to me now, although when I tell it I always get the same response - "Are you kidding? Are you serious? Is this for real? I have never heard of such a thing!".

Several people have even offered to pay my way to the next conference as they just want me to show up anyway.

I have no interest and I would not waste my time. No offense to those choosing to attend. If anything, this action by IECA confirmed to me more than ever why it is I choose not to be a member and why it would not have been a good fit for me, or for them. I am not asking for any sympathy. Quit that! Really!!

I have been told by many that I am the only person in the history of IECA that has been refused entry into a conference. Maybe ask Mark Sklarow about that just to be sure. That is pretty cool. Making history, as we have seen recently in our current Presidential Election, is a great thing most times.

"CHANGE"

"WE CAN"

I understand that every organization has goals and I assume intentions as to what they hope to accomplish.

And every organization such as IECA has a Board of Directors that can determine how aggressively they want to exercise their power. Obviously. And I understand that IECA can choose to limit their membership to those they want and refuse those they do not want. I am absolutely okay with that. I was not bidding to be a member. I simply wanted to attend a conference with some friends in the industry. Yes, they did return my conference fee with a letter from the Board of Directors, via Federal Express. I did lose out when I had to cancel my flight however, although I reused the tickets later with a $100 penalty. Whatever it was that brought them to this decision, I am okay with that. Really.

Being that they did not respond to my request for further conversations about their concerns, I can only assume they reacted based on fear of some sort. It happens. Actually, I am not sure any organization can actually refuse to let anyone attend, or rather be in the same hotel as the conference and network with others who are there. The refusal was more about attending their conference and being allowed to join in the break out sessions they offer. And maybe breakfast or lunch or something. However, it is so very expensive to attend these conferences, why would I waste my time after being "told" not to attend? I get to see almost everyone at NATSAP and other conferences and I see a lot of these people when I am touring programs and schools. I also live in a beautiful place - Bend, Oregon, and many people love to come here and always call and we get together. Interestingly, some want to keep our meetings confidential.

Now, that being said, I am well acquainted with a lot of great people who are members of IECA and with those who spend thousands of dollars attending their conferences as Vendors when their is a conference, so they can promote their program and school. And IECA has been around for more than 30 years. I have gathered many stories over the last 3 years about experiences and I know that for the most part, their heart is in the right place. No organization can monitor everyone 100% of the time. Even with Ethics Guidelines and Principles of Good Practice. It is just impossible.

I also have referred many parents to IECA members when what they needed was out of my expertise or a parent wanted someone in their local area for a face to face relationship. Many different Educational Consultants have many different areas of speciality. I have even been contacted by IECA members who have a particularly tough situation with a student and knew I would have references on who to refer them to for additional assistance.

Membership aside, most people in this industry want to do what is in the best interest of a child and their family.

So, I have moved on and I hope this will assist those in the future who still need and want to hear "the story".

I am proud to say that I am an honored member of the American Bar Association, Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates, and the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs.

And, being that San Francisco is my hometown I may actually be around for the IECA Spring Conference. I am meeting with a friend who works for the San Francisco Chronicle around the same time to discuss my book, and maybe a story or two about the industry. Perhaps I will see you there!

Dore E. Frances, M.A., A.C.C.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC

What Is Statutory Rape?

I have been getting quite a few calls from parents who have 18 and 19 year old sons who are dating 15 and 16 year old girls. This is a situation that could ruin a young man's life. Educate yourself and educate your son.

Statutory rape is illegal sexual activity between two people when it would otherwise be legal if not for their age

In accordance with the FBI definition, statutory rape is characterized as non-forcible sexual intercourse with a person who is younger than the statutory age of consent. The actual ages for these laws vary greatly from state-to-state, as do the punishments for offenders. Many states do not use the actual term "statutory rape," simply calling it rape or unlawful sexual penetration among a variety of other titles. These laws rarely apply only to intercourse, but rather to any type of sexual contact. Dating someone without sexual contact cannot be considered a form of statutory rape, and is almost never illegal. All states have an "age of consent," or an age at which a person can legally consent to sexual activity and can then no longer be a victim of statutory rape. Some states also have laws that take into consideration the "age difference" between both people involved. In many states, the more years there are between the adult and the minor, the more serious the offense. Yes, 18 and 19 is an adult and 15 and 16 is a minor child. All states have laws with special consideration and age restrictions where a relationship involves a person of authority over a minor; this includes but is not limited to, teachers, coaches, assistant coaches, or tutors. Generally, the age of consent is 18 in these situations and the penalties for violation of these laws are more severe. These laws change, and can vary depending on other circumstances.

Statutory rape charges can be reported and filed by the victim, parents of the victim, professionals in mandatory reporting situations, and in most states they can be raised by the state. California has been a primary example of this filing charges against fathers of pregnant women who are, or were, minors at the time of conception and doing it at the protest of both the women and the parents of the involved parties. The term "Age of Consent" is a term not found in many state statutes, but rather reflects an absence of prohibition.

This age varies from 14-18 in all states in the USA with over half the states adopting the age of “16” as the legal age of consent. There are still restrictions in some states on what type of sexual activity is permissible, such as oral sex and sodomy, as well as restrictions on the relationship of the two people involved, for example a teacher-student relationship. These restrictions typically run until the age of 18, though some states still have laws against oral sex or sodomy at any age. There are also differences in the severity of criminal offense based on the age difference between the adult and the minor. I strongly encourage anyone who is in need of legal advice concerning statutory rape charges or any other criminal charges to contact your district attorney or a local private attorney as soon as possible.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions
Educational Consultant

DISCLAIMER: STATEMENTS MADE ON THIS BLOG ARE NOT INTENDED TO BE LEGAL ADVICE!

Educational Consultant's are True Navigators When You Have a Child in Crisis

Private independent educational consultants who specialize in at risk students take up where overburdened high school guidance counselors or therapists leave off.

Charging by the hour or offering a package of services, these consultants usually meet multiple times with a student (when applicable) and /or family (either in person or on the phone) to talk about goals regarding the current situation.

Educational Consultants synthesize information from parents, teachers, therapists, medical personnel, read transcripts, tests, evaluations and other information to help create a list of best suited programs and schools that might be a good match.

Then they guide the family through the research process, preparing parents on how to interview the program and keeping everyone informed and organized. Most educational consultants spend about 20 percent of their time visiting program and school campuses and interviewing the staff.

One of my clients was Valerie Norman from Maui, Hawaii. She said, “As a parent looking for help for my son and finding someone like Dore Frances, was a true answer to what I needed. I could have researched it all myself, but it was better for me to work a bit more and keep myself occupied so I did not fall apart. It was worth every penny to pay an expert. Dore's strong reassuring voice almost made me drop to my knees the first time we spoke. She helped me know that I didn't fail as a parent, and I was getting help instead of standing by wondering what to do with my out of control son.”

Another of my clients, who is now 18, said, “I don’t think I could have gotten into the best school for my needs without Dore's help." Anthony is now a freshman at college in California.

“She helped me take what I thought were not very nice things about myself, and show me that I was just off track because of the choices I was making.”

Educational consultants need to be “super detailed and organized.” Part of a consultant’s job is to remind parents and students about their goals and desires when going through this process.

I had a student say, "You tell me the same things as my parents did, but I don’t mind when you say it." (Emi G., Illinois)

Some consultants have specialties — working with students with learning disorders, for example, or with colleges in other countries. Consultants may also specialize in navigating the path to private high schools, elementary schools and even nursery schools. Other consultants specialize in addiction treatment centers, or working with those involved in the juvenile justice system.

According to surveys by the Independent Educational Consultants Association, consultants charge an average hourly rate of $160, though the fee in the largest cities may be in the $300-an-hour range. Most prefer to offer a package of services that carry a student from the beginning to the end of their program for a set fee, averaging $3,700 to $7,700.

Educational consulting often comes as a second or third career for many people. I think you need the life experiences, parenting experiences and perspectives of even first hand experience yourself to help teenagers and their parents find a true match. The most common backgrounds are in education and psychology. Some others have been involved in grief counseling or working in the juvenile justice system.

Because there are no licensing requirements, anyone can hang out a shingle and call themselves and Educational Consultant, however, without professional training courses, updated educational courses in various areas of specialty, annual program and school visits, review of accreditation and licensing of programs or participation in professional associations, their services won’t be as well informed or as in-depth as a parent may need for their child. Be sure to ask about this.

Training to become an educational consultant can be found online through the college counselor certificate program at the University of California, Los Angeles, and also by attending regular professional conferences through different organizations. Professional associations, including the Higher Education Consultants Association, the National Association for College Admission Counseling and the Independent Educational Consultants Association, also offer information.

Most professional organizations also ask members to uphold ethics and standards — for example, by not accepting remuneration from any programs or schools for placing students with them.

But educational consultants’ most valuable contribution may be stress reduction for a family, especially when they are in crisis. Taking an emotionally fraught situation and turning it into a time of shared discovery is absolutely the most valuable and enjoyable thing I do. Even when in crisis, going through the process of getting help for your child needs to be an adventure that families enjoy and learn from together. That being said, no other option than long term results are a part of what I strive for with each and every family.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions

PAS - To Parents of Alienated Children

I acknowledge the power of suggestion and influence on both children and adults.

The most frequently asked question of an alienated parent is, "Will my children return?"

Alienating parents obsessively have their children become preoccupied with unjustified deprecation and criticism of the targeted parent; this deprecation and criticism occurs in the absence of a rational and legitimate cause.

(This is not a situation in which the targeted parent has shown any abuse or neglect.) Some believe that when natural maturation occurs and children are able to think for themselves, that is when they begin the process to reconcile.

Alienating parents are obsessed with intentionally destroying the relationship between the child and the targeted parent. To this end, the alienating parent will lie to the child about the targeted parent’s true feelings or induce the child to believe that the targeted parent is harmful by going to great extremes. There will be an attempt to erase the targeted parent from the child’s life forever.

It has been estimated that only 5 percent of PAS children do not reconcile. Others disagree.

There are similarities among the cases of anecdotal stories of those rejected parents whose children have returned, some of their own free will. Among these cases, the similarities suggest that three factors are important: One is ongoing contact of some kind with your child, especially around milestones like birthdays, graduations, or other important events. Cards, phone calls, or letters may be misinterpreted as harassment, but on the other hand, they may just be important reminders to your child that you exist and you care.

The second important factor is that you do not give up hope. Accept what is happening, choose to go on with your own life, but always maintain hope. It is a thread that runs through stories of successful reconciliations. Figure out what it takes for you to stay hopeful, even without months or years of reciprocity or acknowledgment of your efforts. For some, a support group, church attendance, counseling, journal writing, Yoga, or meditation classes have helped. For others, writing a loving "final" letter of acceptance has helped and even started a reconciliation process.

Whatever it is, find it, practice, it and do it.

Hope is closely connected to staying inspired. Read about other reunited cases and perhaps you will find ideas to help you.

Remember what said," Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all."

The third important factor is community support. Closely akin to the idea that it takes a village to raise a child , it takes a community to intervene on behalf of PAS children.

As Clawar and Rivlin point out in their landmark book Children Held Hostage, "the legal system in most states is not currently adequate to protect children from this form of abuse."

Mental health professionals, teachers and coaches, attorneys, family members, friends and others who discover the brainwashing process "have an obligation to intervene on behalf of the child" just as they would for other forms of child abuse. Intervention can take the form of bringing to light the themes of the alienator's belief system or program. One common theme called denial of existence sends the message to the child that the other parent is not significant and that they do not matter because of mistakes they have made. Children are not allowed to talk about the parent, express joy about the parent and are given a subtle, but clear message to refuse to acknowledge the parent at social functions. There are other themes that you can read about in Children Held Hostage.

Extended family especially have an obligation to intervene to help children by bringing to light the brainwashing and offering communications to correct the alienator's misrepresentation of reality.

Children always lose when they don't feel free to love both parents. Studies reveal that geographical distance from the alienator and more time with the rejected parent is also a powerful factor in reconciliation. There are cases of children reconciling, even as adults, and even after years of being alienated. Some adult children return with feelings of guilt for the way they have treated their rejected parent. They experience anger and betrayal at the parent who deceived them into believing lies and manipulating their emotions.

Some require treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder before being able to address the alienation issues and the ways in which their part in the alienation process has affected their adult lives. Although the missed years can never be restored, they can be forgiven. You can go forward and establish meaningful connections once again. Others have gone before you; you can too.

Children and Adult children who are victims of PAS present with the following symptoms:

1. Preoccupation with unjustified deprecation, criticism, and “hate” of the targeted parent.
2. Weak, frivolous, or absurd reasons for the depreciation of the targeted parent.
3. A lack of ambivalence for parents—one parent is totally loved and one parent is totally hated.
4. Absence of guilt for behavior shown toward the targeted parent.
5. Insistence that the decision to reject the target parent is their own and not from the other parent.
6. A reflexive unconditional support for the alienating parent.
7. Use of arguments that seem to be adopted wholesale from the alienating parent (e.g., the use of adult concepts and interpretations).
8. Alienation that broadens to the entire family of the targeted parent.

Dore Frances, M.A., A.C.C. offers a variety of coaching services in support of families who are are struggling. I assist parents individually and those who have a struggling child, teen or young adult

Barack Obama will reform No Child Left Behind - I will be watching closely

• Barack Obama will reform No Child Left Behind:

  Obama and Biden believe teachers should not be forced to spend the academic year preparing students to fill in bubbles on standardized tests and he will improve the assessments used to track student progress to measure readiness for college.

No Child Left Behind Left the Money Behind: The goal of the law was the right one, but unfulfilled funding promises, inadequate implementation by the Education Department and shortcomings in the design of the law itself have limited its effectiveness and undercut its support. As a result, the law has failed to provide high-quality teachers in every classroom and failed to adequately support and pay those teachers.

Support High-Quality Schools and Close Low-Performing Charter Schools:

Barack Obama and Joe Biden will double funding for the Federal Charter School Program to support the creation of more successful charter schools. An Obama-Biden administration will provide this expanded charter school funding only to states that improve accountability for charter schools, allow for interventions in struggling charter schools and have a clear process for closing down chronically under performing charter schools. An Obama-Biden administration will also prioritize supporting states that help the most successful charter schools to expand to serve more students.

Address the Dropout Crisis: Obama and Biden will address the dropout crisis by passing his legislation to provide funding to school districts to invest in intervention strategies in middle school - strategies such as personal academic plans, teaching teams, parent involvement, mentoring, intensive reading and math instruction, and extended learning time.

Support English Language Learners: Obama and Biden support transitional bilingual education and will help Limited English Proficient students get ahead by holding schools accountable for making sure these students complete school.

• Invest in early childhood education:

  The Obama-Biden comprehensive "Zero to Five" plan will provide critical support to young children and their parents. And they will help states move toward voluntary, universal pre-school.

Teacher Retention is a Problem: Thirty percent of new teachers leave within their first five years in the profession.

Make Math and Science Education a National Priority: Obama and Biden will recruit math and science degree graduates to the teaching profession and will support efforts to help these teachers learn from professionals in the field. They will also work to ensure that all children have access to a strong science curriculum at all grade levels.

Expand High-Quality After school Opportunities: Obama and Biden will double funding for the main federal support for after school programs, the 21st Century Learning Centers program, to serve one million more children.

Recruit Teachers: Obama and Biden will create new Teacher Service Scholarships that will cover four years of undergraduate or two years of graduate teacher education, including high-quality alternative programs for mid-career recruits in exchange for teaching for at least four years in a high-need field or location.

Prepare Teachers: Obama and Biden will require all schools of education to be accredited.

Obama and Biden will also create a voluntary national performance assessment so we can be sure that every new educator is trained and ready to walk into the classroom and start teaching effectively. Obama and Biden will also create Teacher Residency Programs that will supply 30,000 exceptionally well-prepared recruits to high-need schools.

Reward Teachers: Obama and Biden will promote new and innovative ways to increase teacher pay that are developed with teachers, not imposed on them. Districts will be able to design programs that reward accomplished educators who serve as a mentor to new teachers with a salary increase. Districts can reward teachers who work in under served places like rural areas and inner cities. And if teachers consistently excel in the classroom, that work can be valued and rewarded as well.

• Make college affordable to all Americans:

  Obama and Biden will create a new American Opportunity Tax Credit worth $4,000 in exchange for community service. It will cover two-thirds the cost of tuition at the average public college or university and make community college tuition completely free for most students.

Soaring College Costs: College costs have grown nearly 40 percent in the past five years.

The average graduate leaves college with over $19,000 in debt.

And between 2001 and 2010, 2 million academically qualified students will not go to college because they cannot afford it. Finally, our complicated maze of tax credits and applications leaves too many students unaware of financial aid available to them.

Support College Outreach Programs: Obama and Biden support outreach programs like GEAR UP, TRIO and Upward Bound to encourage more young people from low-income families to consider and prepare for college.

Support College Credit Initiatives: Barack Obama and Joe Biden will create a national "Make College A Reality" initiative that has a bold goal to increase students taking AP or college-level classes nationwide 50 percent by 2016, and will build on Obama's bipartisan proposal in the U.S. Senate to provide grants for students seeking college level credit at community colleges if their school does not provide those resources.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.

What is the middle child syndrome?

When you've got three kids in a family, as a parent you're outnumbered and as a kid chances are you might get lost in the middle. But what does all that say about your personality?

The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure.

The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things. Being a middle child would mean they are loners. They really don’t like to latch on to a person in a relationship, there fore they have trouble keeping one due to lack of interest.

Not liking to take the limelight for anything, they are not over achievers and just simply work enough work to get by, and typically that goes with school as well as a career. They are however very artistic and creative. When forced to use abilities they will work well, but do not work well under pressure. They often start several projects but rarely keep focused long enough to finish a project. The best career move for a middle child would be along the lines of using their creative.

Going into a writing or journalism career, and into a career that they could freely express themselves would be good. Anything that would have hours that are flexible, and projects that frequently changed would be good for a middle born child. Since relationships are not of high importance to a middle child, often times they are alone. However, the best possible match for a middle child would be a last born.

"Me Time" with Parents

Spend at least an hour a week individually, with each of your children. Take that child to the park, or to a movie, or out for ice cream. The activity you decide on doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you are spending one to one time with that child.

Special Days

Have “special” days for each of your children. Designate one day of the week as “Sherry’s day” another as “John’s” and another as “Pat’s.” Giving children this individual attention lets them know they are special to you, and to the family as a whole. On your child’s special day allow her to choose what your family watches on TV, what you will have for dinner, etc.

The ultimate goal is to raise healthy, happy and well adjusted children. Middle child syndrome is very real and these kids seem to need extra special attention to establish a worthiness of being loved and accepted. Take the extra time needed to care for your child!

Dore E. Frances, M.A., A.C.C.
Family & Parent Coach

Parental Alienation Syndrome is absolutely real

Children, exposed to high conflict custody conflicts suffer tremendously. The challenge for counselors is to find ways of sparing children the emotional pain, guilt, and stress that result when they are caught in their parents’ crossfire. Too often counselors over identify with polarized parents. Parental alienation develops over time and the distancing that occurs may involve some of the following features:

• Allegations of abuse - allegations of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse of the children are often made against the targeted parent

• Blame - blaming the other parent for breaking up the family and for other problems

• Denigration - one parent speaks badly or demeans the other parent in the children’s presence

• Interfering with visitation - giving the children the choice of visiting the targeted parent; being inflexible to otherwise reasonable changes in visitation; scheduling activities during the targeted parent’s visitation time

• Spying - using the children to spy on the targeted parent; questioning the children about the targeted parent’s personal life; eavesdropping on telephone conversations between the children and the targeted parent

When these symptoms sound familiar to you, you need the assistance and expertise.

Breakthrough Parenting®

PasKids.com

PsyCare

The Leadership Council

"The Parental Alienation Syndrome"


Dore E. Frances, M.A, A.C.C.

Our solid unbiased supplement into the process can mediate the disagreements, eliminate or reduce the resentment and focus the attention on the best interests of the children.

How an Independent Educational Consultant Helps Your Family

Finding the right emotional growth program, outdoor education school, wilderness program is one of the most important decisions your family will make. A best choice will enhance and enrich your student’s life, and can impact their future in so many different ways. Finding the best fit, however, can be a daunting task. That is where an educational consultant plays a vital role.

My name is Dore Frances, and I am the Founder of Horizon Family Solutions.

As an Educational Consultant I can be trusted to meet your family’s needs because I meet the highest standards in the profession. My qualifications include: a master’s degree; three years of grief counseling experience; and experience working with hundreds of students. I am a member of the American Bar Association as a Child Rights Advocate, and Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates, and NATSAP, (just to name a few). I also spend about one week out of every month traveling all across the United States to interview programs, schools and their staff on my clients behalf.

Dore E. Frances, M.A., A.C.C.
Horizon Family Solutions is an educational consulting, child rights advocacy and family/parent coaching company that serves clients locally, nationally and internationally.

“When I first met Dore, she was touring several programs in Utah. Dore asked me if I was familiar with a type of therapy not well known by most professionals. We did some research as she visited and found the model was in vogue in work with youth who may have some learning deficits. Dore was very quick to understand how such a model might be applied and could list a variety of settings where that particular model could improve services. Since that time I have noted this same intense curiosity and eagerness from Dore every time she explores ways to effectively support families in treatment settings. Certainly, there is no chance of any grass growing on her busy streets!" ~ Kimball DeLaMare LCSW ~ Founding President of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP)