Why do we tear each other down instead of building each other up?

I launched a new website just 10 days ago - www.Troubledteenhelp.com.

The goal and intention is to provide the best choices of addiction treatment centers, boarding schools, clinical programs, eating disorder centers, emotional growth schools, residential programs and wilderness programs, with the greatest results possible for each family and child.

Today, I received a call from a program who has been marketing IECA Educational Consultants, and he called me, concerned and a bit confused.

He stated that he has been told by IECA Educational Consultants that they will not do business with him if he does business with me. Why do we tear each other down instead of building each other up? Why would people who do not even know me, or have taken the time to get to know me, want to tear me and my heartfelt business down? The date February 10, 2001 a significant date in my life, and in my daughter's life. It is the day she entered residential treatment. Many people do not know that. My passion in this industry stems from my own life's journey and personal experiences starting in my childhood. This is not the avenue to write my story, however, those that have chosen to get to know me know where my passion comes from. By doing this, the world starts to change. Not many people own up to their biases and prejudices, but they sure are willing to show them when they talk about other people behind their back.

Growing up in California during the 1960s and '70s, I was raised to believe that being lazy is not an option.

Today, I still strive to learn something new every day and to be open-minded. We may have gotten past segregation, but there are still many walls that divide us as a community in this industry. These things being said about me and the threats by IECA educational consultants to not work with programs who work with me is extremely sad. I thought, maybe mistakenly, that we worked in this industry to assist families and their children. How can that happen when there is hostility flying around? Please call me. I will talk with you.

And I will listen.

Website Up and Running - YEAH!

Horizon Family Solutions has a new website!

It's been a full straight work week of nothing else in the making and has taken a great deal of time from Carl and Laurie Berg of The Graphics Ranch.

For my content management Carl recommends Drupal.

The road to this new site has been long and rocky at times over this last week. But we did it!

www.horizonfamilysolutions.com

The "other" website had been around in one incarnation or another since about 2001. In the early days, it was just a couple of pages . As the business grew, the site grew. As the industry changed, the site changed.

By far, the biggest challenge was rewriting all the data. Because I like to provide parents and professionals a great deal of information, I am always doing research.

My goal was to launch the new site before NATSAP at the end of this month. With Carl and Laurie's help we kicked off the new site with a whole brand new look. There are still some outstanding items I need to insert, like my pictures, but it will all happen in time. My journey with Drupal is just starting. Now that I've got a shiny new website I am going to take good care of it so that it will last me for many years to come!

I hope that you're as happy with it as we are!

Dore E. Frances, M.A.

Website Down - And Out - Day One

My formal apologies to everyone. My website of eight years went down today .... and not just down .... away and out. Yes, I could feel discontented, crappy and powerless. I could also feel disheartened and angry.

But unfortunately, none of those feelings will restore my website and eight years of articles, new stories, press releases, etc.

And while it is absolutely reasonable to be angry about this happening, I think I will enjoy a cup of Chamomile tea instead. Recently someone argued with me that none of the little things we do make a very big difference.

That we are all just tiny drops in a very big bucket. However, a little drop in the bucket makes an effect and each drop moves, so what we are doing, is filling the bucket, however slowly. Tomorrow is another day!

I hope to have the new website up and running soon ..... in the meantime keep checking here for information about Horizon Family Solutions.

Helping Parents Reach Out to Their Troubled Adolescents, Teens and Young Adults

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Educational Planner
(541) 312-4422 / 866-833-6911

The Top 10 Things About This Industry That I View Differently Than I Did Eight Years Ago

1. Beware of the Hype
I used to be in awe of people who got a lot of publicity. My first smack in the face came when a PR company called me for a business launch of my upcoming book and had written a quote for me.

They wanted me to approve the quote. I refused as it ethically did not match my intention of the book.

So that's how the game works eh? Since then, I have had a love-hate relationship with PR. I realize it is important to stay "top of mind," however at the same time, it is so artificial and contrived most of the time that I am starting to hate being a part of it. The lesson I see here is that when you see someone (even me) sitting on a panel at a conference, when you see them get an article published in a magazine or newspaper, when you see them cited as an industry leader, that doesn't really mean you need to listen to everything they say or that they have all the answers about what they are talking about.

Always do your own research and always ask tough questions.

2. Do Stuff
I used to plan and talk, plan and talk, plan and talk. I'm not criticizing planning or talking... they can be beneficial, however now I prefer to do something instead of talking. Just start doing. Doing stuff gives you a better "feel" than all the planning in the world. That is why my clients like me. I do more than talk.

Plus, once you get labeled as a doer, everybody wants you to work for them because they have all been burned by planners and talkers. Of course, doing takes a lot more commitment and time. It's also much harder. And you may not make as much money because you are being in service to others rather than just talking about being in service. In this industry I see prices going up and service going down.

Always do your research.


3. Failure Doesn't Really Matter
It is embarrassing and humbling to fail. We all wish we could string together a bunch of wins. Eight years ago I was concerned about looking stupid compared to other educational consultants who had been doing this longer or are members of IECA. (I choose not to be a member for reasons of integrity).

I was concerned about dealing with the criticism that can come with failure, and while I won't say I like it and embrace it, I will say that it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to when I was younger. One reason for that is many "failures" are only temporary setbacks, and when you don't let them demoralize you and scare you, they can be turned into wins. The second reason is that I truly believe that failure is almost always a great learning experience. Recently I was hired by another educational consultant to consult with them about this business and this industry. Their time is valuable and they did not want to waste neither their time or financial resources by making costly mistakes. I was able to assist them in being more efficient with their own learning curve so they could avoid the mistakes I have already made.

4. Find Your People
Search is the key process you need to master in this industry. I used to think that I needed to be more persuasive to every client I spoke with. I have even heard some Admissions Directors referred to as car salesmen / saleswomen for the way they are currently speaking with parents during the downturn in the economy. I thought the key to making money, hiring good people, or selling my services was to learn how to convince skeptical people to trust me. No. Spend your time sharing your ideas with families about who you are, what you provide and how you may assist them with their child, instead of working so hard to convince them to listen to you. Listen to them. Spend time finding employees who believe in what you are doing instead of convincing potential hires that they should want to come work for you. Spend time searching for clients who need and want what you have to offer, either as an educational consultant or by offering other professional services. Most of us are aware of those telemarketers out there working on commission, convincing parents that the situation is so bad with their child they could die any moment. Don't do this.

Find the people who are like you in the ways that are most important. Work on connecting and meeting with the people who matter. Provide ethical services.

5. Help Others Reach Their Goals
Eight years ago I would have said you should monopolize talent, force people to do what you wanted, not what they wanted, lock people in, and in general do whatever it takes to keep everything tilted in your favor.

That is what I was taught when climbing the corporate ladder in Silicon Valley. Now I believe that everyone has dreams and when you can assist them reach those dreams, most of them will go to the ends of the earth to help you out down the road. (At least that is what I am believing in and counting on now). When skilled employees are ready to move on, don't be angry or bitter, be happy for them. When clients have outgrown you and need a different type of service provider, help them find what they need, who they need, don't be angry at them or withhold information about who else can assist.

Yes, that is what I have been experiencing in the last six months in this industry and it is very disturbing.

I have seen it with educational consultants and with residential and wilderness program providers. These are lives we are touching, children and family lives, not things. Don't be one of those people who only takes and takes in a client or professional relationship. Be a giver, even when other people call you a sucker.

(And yes, I have been called that a lot, just recently this last week ... and no hard feelings I assure you!)

In the long run, you will be better off. I just truly believe that.

6. It is Always Easy to See What You Want to See
It took me almost eight years to find a comfort zone for my business.

Dozens of people told me why my attitude about the way in which I choose to offer my services wouldn't work (lousy industry economics, not doing it their way, tough competition by those more experienced, primarily).

I didn't listen. At least not to everyone. The problem is that when you are doing new things, in a new way, it makes people uncomfortable and those same people who are uncomfortable are almost always critical and work very hard at bringing you down. So how do you know who to listen to and who to ignore? I don't have a good answer to that, however, I know that every day I ask myself to be open to new views on anything that may affect how I assist families or other professionals in this industry. For instance, I am convinced that after interviewing dozens of programs and dozens of other educational consultants .... well, that one is going to have to wait for the book. I am still collecting confidentiality statements, as most do not want to be identified and some of the information I have been given still has to be verified as legitimate. Is it easy to see that the purpose of a residential treatment center is to effect long-term internal and external changes in a very troubled child? So you want to be an educational consultant? Why? What is your intention?

The answers I received were shocking! (At least to me). Always do your research.

7.Luck Matters
Eight years ago I would have said success was mostly effort and skill , however, in the past eight years I have met countless bright hard working people in this industry who didn't get the right break. I have also met a few no talent people who got lucky. In general, I think a small percentage of highly successful people are just lucky and not talented. Most are both talented and lucky, and a few were just so super talented they didn't need luck. Call it a bell curve. Hard work and talent will put you in a good position, however, to get to the upper echelons of success, I think most of us need some good luck and timing. (I am counting on that!)

8. Competition, Fear and Revenge is a Waste of Energy and Time.
Business can lead to situations that make you angry and make you want to go crush a competitor, or whoever. When you believe that you are truly using your ability for a positive and pure purpose, there is never competition. Competition empowers fear, and right now it is running rampant in the industry. What the industry is creating with competition and fear is not pleasant and it will not shift until educational consultants as well as programs and schools stop competing with fear. Just my opinion. But take a look.

While competition and spite may be a good motivator, fear and revenge is typically a lousy use of resources.

Blow it off. Take the high road. If you get ripped off, don't spend all your time working to get back at the person, just suck it up and move on. When your focus on competition and revenge distracts you from the real focus of your business and your intention, then your nemesis has just won a second time by making you less successful. I will never compromise a family or their child by being in competition with another educational consultant or fearing that I may not be able to stay in business if I do not get clients or seek revenge on those that are still actively testing me with calls and emails to see what I am up to in my business. Just ask.

9. Relationships, relationships, relationships
The single biggest thing that I have learned is that relationships matter. People like to work with people they trust. Eight years ago when I started Horizon Family Solutions, I thought I would be a successful business person some day because I would hole up in my house and read all kinds of books and then have some breakthrough insight that would shake up the world on its own. Now I think if I am ever highly successful, it will be because a bunch of people helped me get there. I have no regrets. I spend a great deal of time networking and getting to know the resources available for parents. I am making some business changes to keep my company alive. Almost all of my business comes from relationships. I spend time talking to friends about the stuff I am doing and my network of relationships sends me business. It hopefully will save me from having to shut down my own hopes and dreams of continuing with this work. If I end up being able to stay in this house, it will be because of other people. It will be because of the relationships we have. The people who know me know that I will do whatever it takes to assist a family and their child. However, I still need a place to work to make that happen, so, although I would like to take on 3 and 4 pro-bono cases a month, I have to stay to one. Thanks for understanding!

10. Analytical vs. Touchy Feely
When I worked in the corporate world I used to be very "Fast Company" in my approach to business.

I believed it was all about the soft stuff.

The key to success was making employees happy and having some crazy Google-like workspace.

There is still some truth to that, however, now I lean heavily on the economics of an industry for success. It is soooo much easier to be successful in a business with good economics, even when you make some mistakes, than in an industry with lousy economics but a hip fun workplace. I have fun every day ... and I work hard at helping my clients relax and smile even when they are facing a crisis.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Educational Consultant
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC

Have a Question? Get an Answer!

Ask a Question

Do you need the answer or solution to a one-time question or problem, such as:

• What kind of aftercare is available once a child completes residential treatment?
• I have chosen a program for my child off the Internet. Who can tell me more about them and where can I get information to make sure I am making a safe choice?
• I need a psychologist who can do some testing on my child. Who can I call?
• My child's school has called me for a conference and I am not sure what I need to do to prepare.
  

Email me your question - add "Advice Needed" in the subject line - dore@dorefrances.com

You may choose from several options - Check our PayPal drop down list

A simple answer to a basic question, maybe something about ADHD, or perhaps a more specific answer is needed, or a very detailed answer that may need research and references or even a 15 minute call to answer some questions on the phone.

Make your payment via PayPal and you will receive your answer in a short period of time or I will contact you regarding setting up a phone time.

Oftentimes this can be within the hour.

All answers will be complete and thorough.

"I have been teaching middle school for thirty years and I get asked so many questions by parents all the time that I just do not have the time to research. Also, things change so much I just cannot keep up. I started referring parents to Dore and they have said it has been a great time saver for them in finding out some basic information and getting help on where to go for things like psychological testing. This is a well needed and very inexpensive service!" ~ Jon Aslan, Arizona

"I was feeling very apprehensive about the residential therapy program I choose for my daughter. I needed to know that I had made a safe choice. I asked Dore to help me specifically research this school to make sure they had no complaints against them. Just getting her genuine feedback gave me peace of mind. I have a feeling I will be using her again." ~ Rob Beare, California

I needed to locate an advocate and attorney in my state that would be able to assist me with my son and his IEP. I had been on the Internet and found all kinds of sites but did not know whom I could trust. I gave Dore the specific information and she emailed me a thorough list with names, addresses, contact numbers and their websites. I felt much better knowing these were people who would be able to assist me with my son's specific needs. I have already referred this low cost service to another parent. " ~ Robbi R., Washington

Okay, I admit it. I was freaking out. As a single parent I had a situation going on at home, it was evening time, and I just needed some quick advice. Having a 15 minute call with Dore (she actually gave me 25), was just the shot in the arm I needed to get through the little mini crisis. I think my child and I could have ended up in a big fight had I not had this time out time with Dore. She helped me get calm, centered and really see what was happening. It is great to know she is there if I ever need her again." ~ David B., Bend, Oregon

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions, LLC

Special Needs Boarding Schools

There are many different kinds of boarding schools in the United States.

Some are highly academic and serve only exceptional, gifted and highly motivated students. Others are geared to working with the average to above average student. And a few select schools work with children and adolescents with special needs which cannot be met (most times) by traditional or regular programs in the public school system. These special needs schools can address a wide variety of disorders from Aspergers Syndrome to dyslexia to emotional problems to non-verbal learning disorders.

Some are college preparatory; others have a more transitional mission and are preparing their students for a return to the mainstream. Families oftentimes find it a daunting task to identify the right boarding school for the "special" child. Websites, brochures, CD's, don't give enough detailed information for a parent to make an informed decision. Current psychological and academic testing may be inconclusive so parents don't understand the problems or how to best treat them.

Some families seek the counsel of an educational consultant to help them sort through the various options.

Whether a family uses a consultant or searches on their own, it is vital to find the school that is the "right fit"; one that can address the child's unique learning style. Close to 20% of the school age population are diagnosed with some kind of a a learning difference. Most of these diagnosed children have a problem using language and are said to have a language based learning disorder. Others have a non-verbal learning disability and struggle with some of the following: organizational difficulties, poor social skills, visual-spacial weaknesses, conceptual reasoning deficits.

Many children have attentional issues and executive functioning deficits. Some LD students just need small classes, academic support and minor classroom accommodations; others whose LD issues are severe and more debilitating, need direct and intense skills-based language remediation. There is a significant difference between academic support and remediation. Boarding schools that offer support usually have a few LD trained teachers. Their role is to help the LD student keep up with what's happening in the classroom.

On the other hand, remedial instruction is a structural approach to helping the child learn strategies to compensate for their weaknesses. Curriculum's at these schools use a multisensory approach and experiential teaching strategies. All teachers at these schools are trained in using these techniques. It is very important for parents to understand the difference and to know what a boarding school can and can't do before placing their LD child.

New approaches, new ideas, and new ways are needed to improve what is in the best interest of your child and your family

Keeping up with Teen Fads

Teenagers are infamous for being on the cutting edge of current fads and trends.

The reason why teens are on the lookout for something new and different is almost a given: they are working on their identity. Your teen wants to identify with something that makes him/her feel good about him/her self. When it sticks for a little while, it’s a fad. When it sticks around a longer time, it becomes a trend. Many fads are harmless.

Everyone who owns an IPod and will text friends on their cell phones.

These fads will either fade with new technology or become a trend and stay around awhile. We’ll have to wait and see. Some teen fads are dangerous.

Huffing is one dangerous fad that comes to mind.

While keeping up with teen fads can sometimes be exhausting for parents – especially for parents of preteens who are just getting started – it is a worthwhile endeavor.

Online transparency with regards to one’s personal life has become more and more pervasive over the past few years. With the evolution of the Internet and its capabilities has come the ability to find out almost anything about someone online. There are some specific venues that can be particularly dangerous for teens because of the information some sites allow and encourage them to post about themselves. Parents need to be educated on these sites and on what they offer their users. As a parent, you don’t necessarily have to restrict your teen from using them, but you need to definitely know what they’re used for and who uses them.

Some of the most popular sites teenagers are using today.

• MySpace
• Chat Rooms and Message Boards
• Instant Messaging Clients
• Online Video Gaming
• Facebook
• Photobucket and Flickr

The youth shall inherit the world, and they are getting a head start on it right now. The teenagers of today are no longer the unengaged kids they used to be – they have instead evolved into a strong-minded militia of high-tech creatures, a real force to be reckoned with. The ball is their court today.

At Horizon Family Solutions we honor the obligation and opportunity to every family we see to be aware of the current trends. This includes keeping informed about the current drugs of abuse, recent studies about abusive teen dating, options for treatment and continuing our education so that our experience for you remains extensive. The areas we specialize in are:

• Family Coaching
• Adult Programs
  
• Alternative Sentencing Recommendations
• Residential Program Placement
  
• Student Assessments
• Teen Sexual Behavior Treatment
  

We do not partner with any companies, programs or schools for the benefits of our clients. In this way all options are explored with an unbiased approach.

For more information about the services offered by Horizon Family Solutions, please call 866-833-6911 or visit www.Horizonfamilysolutions.com.

Serving Those 18 and Over With Mental Illness

Although most educational consultants specialize in those under the age of 18, I also assist those that are over 18 and in need of specialized mental health care services. I am dedicated to helping men and women with special mental health needs. I assist adults and young adults with psychiatric illness, substance abuse problems, or dual diagnosis with an opportunity for recovery through work and community participation in private pay residential treatment settings.

I regard a healthy lifestyle to be a major component of an individuals treatment plan. My intention when assisting a family who has an adult in their family with mental illness is to help them find the best home and feeling of family environment where these individuals can develop enthusiasm for life and community within the safety of the best surrounding for their unique needs. Most individuals can live in a wellness type program where they can learn to take control of their lives and make choices that promote health, prevent disease, and effect positive treatment outcomes. I have researched programs that teach participants skills for healthy living, diet, nutrition, and daily exercise as a basic part of treatment and rehabilitation. These are private pay residential services for persons 18 and older with bipolar and psychotic disorders. The places I have researched are all over the United States.

Some are actual farm communities where individuals with mental illness and emotional distress learn new ways to improve functioning, gain independence and attain fulfillment in life through a comprehensive program that addresses mind, body and spirit. Counseling, a balanced work program and the development of vocational, educational and social skills are primary program components. Some are long-term community residential rehabilitation programs designed to meet the special needs of adults with severe and persistent mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder and other major mental illnesses.

These are more set up as assisted living residences. Some are located in the heart of cosmopolitan areas, near cities that are packed with world-class architecture and alive with culture, offering residents an environment rich in arts, education and leisure opportunities.

All are licensed Therapeutic Community Residence programs that provide a growth enhancing program for those who suffer from mental and emotional illnesses, such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

Community commitment is strong at all of the programs I recommend.

Most have support staff that includes a recreational counselor, an art therapist, a nutritionist, a staff psychologist and a number of adjunct physicians and therapists. Many of the people I have assisted have felt failed by previous treatment efforts, including psychiatric hospitalizations, medications, and drug & alcohol rehabilitation programs. When a family works with me I understand that they have been through a lot. So have all their family members. Multiple efforts to support the person have left everyone exhausted.
The individual may be described by others as being challenging, difficult, or treatment resistant. I assist a family in recognizing that early detection and aggressive treatment are often the key to years of productive living for their loved one.

"Words can not convey the gratitude that we feel today for Dore Frances. We want to thank her for finding a safe and loving place for our adult daughter to recover and grow into possibilities that we had desperately prayed for. There is a national need for her services and we are pleased to have found her in the nick of time." ~ John & Pat A. , Ohio

When you are in need of assistant in obtaining a mental health residential program for an adult in your family, one that offers a safe environment that fosters support in the least restrictive environment, please give me a call. All inquiries are completely confidential.

Dore E. Frances, M.A.
Founder, Horizon Family Solutions
(541) 312-4422